~.~

Its getting harder and harder each day, understanding myself. My thoughts are getting hazy, I'm no longer sure of what I want. Figured that I should keep myself occupied in order to not think too much but no matter how hard I try, its not possible because of the long and stupid break I'm having right now. Sometimes, I'm really in awe of how the human brain works. Its like a clockwork, going on and on. Unable to stop till death, that is.

Long holidays makes me feel really redundant. Its feels like I'm useless to this society. I just keep repeating the same routine over and over again. I feels like I'm compelled to do them repeatedly daily. So I'm here feeling dysphoric and my motivation is waning man.... Everyday, I wake up and ask myself "Why am still I alive?" The thought of me having to live for another 20 years just makes me feel like killing myself. I just hope that something nice would just happen soon. I somehow really wish 2012 is true after all. Honestly speaking, I'm a little too sick of living.

Almost all my friends are starting school soon while I still have 4 months of holiday left. T_T Speaking of friends, I guess I can't really depend on them too much. You die alone anyway! Plus you can't trust anyone in this world except yourself. LOL wow, I really do have trust issues and so its true that humans always want things that they cannot have. The more you can't have it, the more you want it................. :'(

This post is probably the longest post EVER this year. I've been keeping things to myself too much lately, my brain is fried. On a brighter note, I'm heading to Hatched for breakfast with Ning tomorrow! Hopefully, things will go as planned. I really need retail therapy. Till then x